How to Relax a Tight Pelvic Floor After Birth

After we’ve had a baby, we’re told to do our pelvic floor squeezes. “Remember your squeezes.” “Make sure you do your squeezes.”

This is an important first step, but who is telling us that we need to make sure our pelvic floor is relaxing as well?

For our pelvic floor to function well, it needs to be able to switch on AND switch off. So if you’ve been doing your squeezes and your symptoms aren’t improving—or they’re feeling worse—it’s worth exploring whether tension could be part of the picture.

Let’s talk about the signs of a tight pelvic floor after having a baby, why more squeezing isn’t always the answer, and how to practise letting those muscles

relax.

Is my pelvic floor tight or weak?

A tight pelvic floor and a weak pelvic floor aren’t two completely separate things. Your muscles can be holding tension and still struggle to produce an effective contraction. Tightness and weakness can exist together.

You might hear a tight pelvic floor described as overactive, hypertonic or non-relaxing. Those terms describe related problems with muscle tension or difficulty letting go; they don’t tell you how strong the muscles are.

Pelvic floor squeezes work on activating those muscles. But activation is only part of what we need. We also need them to soften, lengthen and relax.

Your pelvic floor needs to relax when you go to the toilet, allow comfortable penetration, and release between contractions. It isn’t supposed to be doing a deliberate squeeze all day.

That’s why I want us to think beyond just squeezing. Can you connect with those muscles? And can you let them go again?

What are the signs of a tight pelvic floor after having a baby?

Difficulty relaxing after a squeeze, trouble passing urine and pain with penetration can all be clues that pelvic floor tension needs exploring.

Working out whether your pelvic floor is struggling to switch on, struggling to switch off, or a bit of both can be tricky. These are clues, rather than a way to diagnose yourself.

I am pointing out these symptoms as possible clues that tension in your pelvic floor is an issue. It is worth being aware that these symptoms have other possible causes too. If you are having pelvic floor symptoms, it is always best to be seen by a women's health physio. They can do a full assessment and work out exactly what is going on for you and help you with a personalised plan.

You find it difficult to relax after a pelvic floor squeeze

You might notice that after a gentle pelvic floor connection, the release doesn’t feel easy.

Instead, you’re thinking, “And relax… relax… relax…” and it takes a little while.

That can be worth exploring.

You find it tricky to pass urine

Perhaps you sit down to have a pee, and it takes time for things to get going. Or you think you’ve finished, then realise there’s a bit more to come.

Difficulty relaxing your pelvic floor can contribute to this.

It is worth knowing that difficulty emptying your bladder needs checking rather than assuming tension is the explanation because there can be many reasons for difficulty emptying your bladder.

Try not to strain or push your wee out. Speak to your GP or a pelvic health physiotherapist if this keeps happening.

Sex or penetration feels painful

Tension in the pelvic floor can contribute to pain during sex, inserting a tampon or having an examination.

Pain could also be because of postnatal healing, scar tissue and hormonal changes, so again, we can't jump to tension being the only cause of this, but it is a clue.

If you have pain, don't just put up with it because you’ve had a baby. Reach out for support from a women's health physio.

You notice tension elsewhere in your body

Are you holding your jaw tight? Are your shoulders up around your ears? Are you clenching your bottom or holding your tummy in without realising?

When you’ve got a lot going on, you might notice yourself holding tension throughout your body. Your pelvic floor can be part of that response too.

That doesn’t mean every busy or stressed mum has a tight pelvic floor. It means noticing the rest of your body can be a useful clue and part of learning to let your pelvic floor relax.

Can pelvic floor exercises make symptoms worse?

Pelvic floor exercises help many women, but more squeezing isn’t always what your muscles need. If your pelvic floor is already holding tension and struggling to relax, repeated contractions can sometimes aggravate symptoms.

So if you’re thinking, “I’ve been doing my squeezes all this time, and they haven’t helped,” the answer isn’t automatically to do more or squeeze harder.

When tension is part of the problem, learning to release it is an important foundation before adding more strengthening work.

That doesn’t mean pelvic floor exercises are bad, or that everyone should stop doing them; they are actually a really great first step of postnatal recovery. It just means that pelvic floor relaxation sometimes needs to be our focus before we start squeezing. Or at least the relaxation needs as much focus as the squeeze.

Pelvic floor relaxation exercises: how to practise letting go

Start with a comfortable, supported position and gentle breathing. The aim is to allow your pelvic floor to soften, without squeezing, forcing a stretch or pushing down.

This isn’t another exercise to try really hard at. We’re practising doing a little less.

1. Set up your environment

Find somewhere you can feel supported and settled.

That might mean a quiet space, calming music or softer lighting. But you don’t need a perfect room or complete silence. Find what’s possible for you.

If your baby is beside you making little noises, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at relaxing. We’re working with your real life here.

2. Find a position that feels like “ahh”

Choose a position where you can soften rather than work to hold yourself up.

You could try:

• Side-lying, with pillows supporting you.

• Lying on your back with your knees bent and supported, if comfortable.

• A supported child’s pose, if that feels good for your body.

The accompanying photos show some other options, but you don’t need to do all of them. You’re looking for a position that helps YOU let go.

There’s no need to force a deep stretch or get into the lowest squat you can manage. For some of us, a deep squat type position will encourage stretch and release and that 'ah' feeling. For others, it won't feel quite right for your body. Choose what feels comfortable for your stage of recovery, and change position if you feel pain or uncomfortable pressure.

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3. Settle your whole body

Let your jaw soften. Allow your shoulders to drop. Notice whether you’re gripping your tummy or clenching your bottom.

Invite those areas to relax too.

You’re not trying to force yourself into being relaxed. You’re noticing what you’re holding and gently giving yourself another option.

4. Breathe and let your pelvic floor soften

Take a slow, comfortable breath in. Allow your lower ribs to widen and your tummy to move naturally.

As you breathe in, imagine the area around your vagina and anus gently softening and widening.

Then breathe out easily, without deliberately adding a pelvic floor squeeze. Let the breath flow rather than holding it.

Don’t push or bear down. Letting go is different from pushing down.

You might not feel much movement at first, and that’s okay. Keep the breathing deep but comfortable rather than taking enormous breaths or trying harder.

5. Stay for a few comfortable breaths

Try around eight to ten easy breaths, or fewer if that feels enough.

This is gentle practice. A little regularly can be a manageable place to start.

If it feels frustrating, take the pressure off. You can settle into a comfortable position and breathe without needing to feel a particular thing happen.

Can stress contribute to pelvic floor tension?

Stress can contribute to muscle tension, including in the pelvic floor. That’s one reason relaxation can involve your whole body, rather than only focusing on the muscles underneath you.

Your pelvic floor doesn’t exist separately from the rest of you.

So alongside your dedicated relaxation practice, it’s worth noticing what happens during your day. Are you rushing around with your jaw clenched, shoulders lifted, tummy held in, and bottom gripping?

You don’t need to monitor yourself constantly. Just give yourself little opportunities to notice and soften.

While the kettle boils, when you sit down to feed your baby, or before you go to sleep, check in:

“Can my jaw relax? Can my shoulders drop? Am I gripping anywhere that could let go?”

Take a few slow, comfortable breaths and see whether you can release some of that effort.

Things that help you feel safe and settled can support your nervous system and make relaxation easier. That might include gentle movement, rest, being outdoors or support with what’s making life feel overwhelming.

The aim is simply to notice whether you tend to hold tension in your body and start giving yourself regular opportunities to let go. With practice, relaxing may begin to feel more familiar.

When should I get help with pelvic floor tension?

Speak to your GP or a pelvic health physiotherapist if you have ongoing leaking, painful sex, difficulty emptying your bladder, or symptoms that worsen with pelvic floor squeezes.

You don’t need to work out for yourself whether your pelvic floor is “too tight” or “too weak” before asking for help.

An assessment can help you understand what’s happening and whether relaxation, strengthening, coordination work or another approach would be useful.

In the meantime, or alongside any individual support you might need, you can keep learning about your pelvic floor, how it works with your core and the rest of your body, and how to support your recovery. Keep reading for how I can help you with that…

If you suddenly cannot pass urine, seek urgent medical help.

Want some support with your postnatal recovery?

If you’re reading this thinking, “Why did nobody tell me any of this after I had my baby?”—this is exactly why I created my Postnatal Recovery Membership.

I’ll guide you through understanding your pelvic floor, reconnecting with your stomach muscles and gradually building movement and exercise, with bite-size videos you can come back to when life allows.

You don’t have to take everything in at once. Watch a little, work on that, then take your next step.

The membership provides education and exercise guidance to support your recovery. If you’re experiencing the symptoms we’ve talked about, an individual pelvic health assessment can help you understand how to approach that work.

If you’d like that support, you can find out what’s inside the Postnatal Recovery Membership here.

Much love,

Karen xx

Written by Karen Ellis, former midwife and postnatal recovery specialist.